I wanted to start my first post more with what I wanted as a new mum myself all those years ago apposed to what the textbook might write about the role of a Doula.
There is an expression and that is ….
“you can’t ask the question if you don’t know”.
I’m tempted to say the easiest parts was being pregnant.
I’m tempted to say the easy part was giving birth.
I’m tempted to say the first few weeks after giving birth was the easiest parts.
But what I’m not tempted to say for I know it’s not true, was that the easiest part was when you’re alone with that baby in the early days and all the support as disappeared .
Or in my case as time moved on more than one child.
I had periods where I had one child and didn’t know how to sit still, everything had to be in place.
Then I had two children, then I had three children, then I had four.
I have to admit there was times I wanted a little break.
I have to admit there were times I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep.
There was times I just wanted to be able to make my bed.
There were times I wanted to sit and read to a child while another slept, but never relaxed completely in fear that the child would wake.
There were times I desperately wanted to clean the kitchen window but never had a chance.
Some would say get a babysitter.
some would say get a cleaner.
some would say ask more of your partner.
I didn’t want to be away from my child/children, I didn’t want someone to come in my home and turn it upside down to clean, and in honesty knowing me at the time they wouldn’t have done a good enough job.
I was also at that time using washable nappies for my children and wanted to keep doing it, but was very aware I was creating more work.
I didn’t have any support around me, my family lived miles away.
I didn’t have anybody I could just have a minute moan too about STUFF, !!!!!!! And then just listen and not try and fix.
If I had, had a moment as I call them, to say my parents they would of just told me to stop doing what I was doing, because those things that are important to me obviously are not always important to everyone.
I was desperate for a like-minded person, someone that could just be there and hold space for me if I needed to rant, someone that could say go on, go clean the bloody window if you want ,I’ll hold the baby.
Or When I needed it, to be told, almost giving myself permission to just lay-down and feed my baby, knowing that person could read a book to another one of my children, or say go on, get on the floor and play with him or her I’ll make sure baby doesn’t wake.
I needed someone to say it was okay to be still, I needed someone to say to me when the midwives were telling me baby was too fat,
Or baby was too thin, or baby should be sleeping through the night, that I didn’t need to be shame or a failure.
I needed someone to say to me what do you want, what feels right to you, because now I know there is no right way, there’s no wrong way, there is only your way.
what feels right to you.
I had to learn the hard way, because I had no role models, but I want more for you.
By the time baby number two arrived I knew what I wanted I just needed the right people to help me support that.
As a Doula supporting you in the days, weeks or months, I want to be there to hold space and listen to what you Want .
I want to help you find what’s right for you.